For those of you familiar with Craggy Island……..

SCENE 1

Doorbell goes, Dougal wanders in, letter in hand.

Dougal: “Ted, There’s a letter here from the postman, Bertie for ya”

Ted: “ The one you’re reading? Jesus what would Bertie be sending me?”

Dougal: “ Ah don’t be silly Ted, Bertie only brought it, it’s not from him

Ted. “ Give it here you Gobdaw

Fr Jack looks up, with a shrewd, drink soaked glance.

Ted reads it, a look of horror growing as he takes it all in.

He sits at the edge of the couch, grasping the armrest, eyes fixed on the picture of the Sacred Heart above the fireplace.

“Sweet heart of Jesus, oh Holy God”

Sit down” He says.

Dougal sits down on the spot. Legs folded.

Fr Jack sits forward, hands on knees.

Mrs Doyle enters, tray in hand. Tea, a large pot, fine China rattling and a large plate of buttered scones, steaming from the microwave.

Lads”, Says Ted, “ The Orange fella’s from the North want to do a march through Craggy Island. They seem to be having a bit of trouble getting it organised in Dublin and Bishop Brennan has suggested that here would be a grand spot with none of that nonsense that happens up there”

Mrs Doyle drops the tray, flat on the floor and runs screaming from the room.

Fr Jack Rears up beating his chest. He lets loose an almighty roar and launches into a particularly unusual version of “Sean South”

Dougal looks shocked. “Ted, Is this a kind of a retreat for people with a disease from fake tan?”

Ted, with his most serious face on says “ Dougal. Shut up”

“The grand master is coming here with his entourage tomorrow and we have to organise the whole thing!”

“Ah Ted” says Dougal I’m a wizard at Chess, it’ll be brilliant”

Mrs Doyle’s head peeps around the kitchen door,

“Father….”, “Yes Mrs Doyle” says Ted,

Father is it true they take whiskey with their tea up North?

At which, Fr Jack staggers back in, bottle in hand, complete with Orange Collarette, Umbrella and Bowler hat roaring “It is old but it is beautiful

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